How to Change the Behavior of Others
How many times have you wished people would change their behavior to suit you?
Wow, this would be a world-changing technique you could use to magically change how people act and think all over the world. You’d make millions! Do what you want to with no interference! And not have to put up with other people’s nonsense!
All true, if only it were possible!
What Do Famous People Know About Behavior?
You know by now that the answer is that it is nearly impossible to modify the behavior of others.
Most of the time, people are stuck in their behavioral models until they decide to change something about themselves. And rarely is that influenced by others. “All you can do is change your reaction, response, and behavior. If you truly, genuinely express your heart and someone doesn't respond the way you'd like him or her to, and you try something different and it still doesn't work, you have to face the honest truth that the only thing you can change is yourself. Sometimes that means staying in the relationship in a different way. Other times, it means leaving.” True and lasting change comes from within, and as the saying goes, a person convinced against their will rarely changes their tune.
You are looking for someone to be something or someone they are not. You don’t like or appreciate the way they are demeaning, critical, or judgmental of you. You don’t like their behavior, or their egotistic manner, or the way they complain and criticize others and you. You don’t like their competitive nature and feel threatened by them. People make you angry and upset, and you can’t get along with them.
You might muster up enough courage to tell them they ought to change, and how unlikable they are. They will bristle. They will be angry with you. They will be hurt. And usually in that scenario, you will end up on the losing side of that battle.
Give up on the idea of changing others. It rarely can be done, and when it is, it is with resentment that someone (you) made them be someone they are not, or that they were forced to do something they didn’t want to do.
There Is a Secret to Modifying Others’ Behavior
The secret trick to modifying the behavior of others is to change your own. As simple as it sounds, this is a heavy task for you, but it is usually the only way forward.
GANHDI TAUGHT this truth: “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him…We need not wait to see what others do.”
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Behavior Modification for You
Behavior modification is taught in psychology classes and in self-help books. There are wonderful tools that you can use starting today to change your behavior.
Step 1: Throw out the idea that you can change others and enforce behavior modification on them. Rarely will this happen without some sort of battle.
Step 2: Look within. Oftentimes, the icky behaviour we see in others is also present within ourselves. This begs the question: Are you reacting to their behavior, or are they reacting to yours?
Step 3: Take one negative trait at a time. Don’t get too overwhelmed with remaking yourself. If you are impatient with others, and they are with you, then you can only work on yourself.
How to Change Yourself
It is human nature to want to be in control, but instead of trying to control or change others, it is better to focus on changing ourselves. “The power and control in life come not from seeing fault in the outside world, but in seeing it within us. Because then we can take the steps necessary to change. To improve. To grow. To get better.” Take one step at a time. You don’t have to change your entire personality or life all at once. But take one small, irritating attribute that you have (as we all have!) and work on that one for a while.
How you do this work is simple: Whatever your negative tick is, change it to the opposite.
- Impatience, change to patience.
- Disgust, change to acceptance.
- Judgment of others, change to graciousness.
- Irresponsible, change to responsible.
It takes less energy to be positive and kind than to be hateful and negative.
It may be easier than you think! It is worth a try and may change you life in more positive ways than you dreamed possible!
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